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Jokes on Germans

There are many pages on those crazy Germans on the Internet. As I am one myself, I cannot understand most of them. Nevertheless I want to present some to show that we are able to laugh about ourselves. By scrolling through those Internet pages I saw a lot of racist jokes about war and minorities. I will not quote those here as I believe this thinking should not be in the minds of people even not in jokes.

What's the difference between an English, a French and a German pensioner?
The English one takes a Whiskey and goes fishing.
The French one takes a glass of wine and goes playing Boule.
The German one takes his cardiac drug and goes to work.

 "Two Martinis, bitte."
  "Nein, I said TWO!"

Why are so many Germans born by C-section?
Ever tried to get a square head through a round hole?

(At the expense of Communist East Germany's national car called Trabant)

How do you double the value of a Trabant?

Fill up the tank.

A coast guard receives a distress call from a ship at sea:

"Help help we are sinking..."

He replies: "Dass ist very interesting... Vot exactly are you sinking?"

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again.

This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”

"In Germany, We have ways to make you laugh."

In Heaven:

The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:

The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.

Werner Schneider, 401 Buttercup Creek Blvd, Unit 501, Cedar Park, TX 78613